Covid and Mental Health

Here's my story of the sharp and unexpected decline in my mental health following an infection from Covid. I'm sharing it because there has been VERY little reported on the mental health aspects from the virus itself.

I caught Covid late, basically at the end of the pandemic, this past September. The actual illness lasted about a week, which had some horrifying moments, but then Long Covid set in, and I am just now slowly emerging from it -- four months later.

Since the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, I had read quite a lot about the vicious virus, even searching out as much information from the many doctors and scientists that found themselves censored and dismissed. (Side note: It's amazing to see how correct many of these experts were now that the truth is slowly emerging about it.)

But the one thing I never read or heard about is the mental health effects of Covid -- from the social distancing and isolation, yes, but not from the virus itself.

This is my story. I share it so others suffering know they are NOT alone.

I caught Covid at the end of a long trip (in which I was forced to eat the crappy, nutrient-weak Standard American Diet) and as I got home, it hit me strongly. I woke up with a fever, headache, digestive issues, and a general feeling of yuck. That said, I knew what to expect and was prepared to get through it.

The first crack in my mental health was when I looked around the beautiful property we are blessed to live on and saw pure ugliness; I knew in that moment that my partner and I could not live there anymore. I wasn't even sure I could stand it for one more day.

Then the suicidal thoughts came crashing into my mind. I was so sick that I couldn't speak with my partner about it, but there were several times when I was standing at the top of the stairs that I decided things would be better if I just threw myself down the stairs and broke my neck. Death and mortality also ping-ponged throughout my thoughts -- especially during those dark nights.

Only once before in my life, about two decades prior, have I ever had any kind of thoughts of self-harm.

Luckily, the fever broke, and I slowly started feeling better, physically. I shared my previous suicidal thoughts with my partner and she was shocked. My personality, for those who don't know me, is mostly even-keel/happy-go-lucky, always trying to see the positive of things.

Shortly after getting better, I moved into Long Covid -- losing my taste and smell, which made me lose any desire to eat. I had to force myself to eat, and my homemade chicken soup became an unusual staple in our house... at one point, we only ate soup for two weeks.

Luckily, a good friend recommended microdosing psilocybin -- since taste and smell are a brain function and I had no physical issues with my nose or mouth. After about a week of microdosing, my smell and taste came back -- a big boost to my spirits.

But as the weeks passed, I noticed more fractures in my mental health. I had more anxiety. I didn't want to be around people. We canceled travel plans and visits with friends and relatives. I also lost any sense of patience -- and could not even drive for a few weeks because I was afraid of being a perpetrator of road rage. And, of course, I had the brain fog -- the one cognitive issue ever discussed. I definitely also have some aspect of post-traumatic stress, but not sure it is from Covid or the trip -- or both.

Finally, as this year starts, I feel some healing in my mental state. It's taken a lot of work -- exercise, quality food, time spent in nature, supplements, love, prayer, and time -- but I feel I am finally getting closer to the person I was before contracting Covid.

I do plan at least one deep psychedelic journey in the next month or so, with the intention of healing my brain, fixing whatever Covid did to it and building new connections via the neuroplasticity benefit from psychedelics.

I have seen very little on the mental health aspect of the virus itself, but I see now -- finally -- the NIH (National Institutes of Health) has posted some information about mental health and Covid.

On this page it states: If you get COVID-19, you may experience a number of symptoms related to brain and mental health, including:

• Cognitive and attention deficits (brain fog)

• Anxiety and depression

• Psychosis

• Seizures

• Suicidal behavior

Furthermore, it adds:

Data suggest that people are more likely to develop mental illnesses or disorders in the months following infection, including symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). People with Long COVID may experience many symptoms related to brain function and mental health.

I don't think I will ever understand why so many experts and so much valuable information was censored -- or canceled. When we don't have information about what we are experiencing, it only ramps up the anxiety and weakens mental health. How many people killed themselves because this information was withheld?

Finally, I am also sharing this note because many times on social media, people only talk about their successes -- keeping all the dark stuff hidden. Let's break this curse of social media -- and share both the good and bad, the triumphs and the struggles. Let's be real!

So much healing is needed in the world -- and we have to be honest and open in all manners. We have to let "contrary" opinions, especially from experts, be heard -- without fear of dismissal or censorship.