Are You Exhausted? Time to Deal With Your Shadow Self

All of us live with a shadow, a part of our personality that holds onto the emotions related to unprocessed trauma wounds from our past, especially childhood.

We all have a beautiful light within us – that of our pure soul. But for many of us, somewhere in our lives, we have experienced a trauma that resulted in a wound that creates a deep shadow within us.

Do you have a dark side? A part of your personality that you mostly try to hide from others but which comes out in periods of stress, tiredness, fear? Your shadow lurks in your unconscious, sometimes even hidden from yourself, until it raises its ugly head in response to some trigger – then suddenly there is anger, greed, lying, jealousy, shame, self-sabotage, anxiety, depression, lies, passive-aggressiveness, victimization, drama, and/or destruction.

Hiding/storing pain deeply inside you does NOT heal you; in fact, it's simply an avoidance mechanism, until it's not – when triggered – but it is a common coping mechanism because those past wounds hurt so deeply and often make us feel vulnerable so we don’t want to face it.

Your shadow is not a bad thing, necessarily, but it is the part of yourself that you hide and deny. Your shadow is simply a reflection of the part of you that holds onto the unprocessed trauma wounds of your past, including the ways you experienced love and acceptance (or the lack thereof) within your family as a child. These wounds don’t disappear on their own, but often fester in the background. Your goal is to face those trauma wounds, those repressed emotions that may seem too uncomfortable to deal with.

Interesting, your shadow is not just about the negative aspects we hide deep within us, but also some of the often warped views we may have of love, money, success; we can begin idolizing dangerous things, such as power and greed.

Your shadow raises its ugly head because you are wounded. Everything you fear gets put into your shadow. Your shadow is there to protect you from what it perceives will be more hurt, shame, or pain. Your shadow will CONTROL your life until you face it, bring it to the light, and integrate it into yourself.

Here are some ways to spot your shadow, if you are truly unaware:

• Your shadow reflects the traits you hate in others;

• Your shadow reflects the repetitive negative thoughts that may consume you;

• Your shadow reflects the feelings of abandonment from your past;

• Your shadow reflects your fears, shame, and guilt;

• Your shadow reflects those emotions that arise when you are triggered.

Some outcomes from not dealing with your shadow:

• You often act impulsively without considering consequences;

• You experience powerful negative feelings about others for no logical reason;

• You easily get defensive when challenged;

• You often partake in risky and unsafe behaviors;

• You struggle with feelings of not being enough or achieving enough;

• Your go-to is to make excuses for mistakes rather than taking ownership of them;

• You have difficulty taking responsibility for your actions and decisions;

• You choose partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable;

• You become engrossed in your career or business, often becoming a workaholic;

• You struggle with addiction, substance abuse, or other dependency issues.

To become WHOLE again, to be your true self for perhaps the first time in your life, you need to begin a healing journey that includes facing these past trauma wounds so you can truly heal. Otherwise, your shadow will keep you stuck in a never-ending spiral of disappointment, depression, and delusion.

Healing Your Shadow: The Ultimate Healing Journey

It won’t happen immediately, but as you move forward on a healing journey you will experience a freedom, love, and empowerment like you have never felt before. You’ll experience joy and love like you have never known. You will truly have compassion and a deep love for yourself like never before.

Here are some amazing tools to help you move forward with your healing journey.

1. Journaling. One of the best ways to get into our subconscious is by sitting quietly with our thoughts and writing pure stream of consciousness or by following some simple prompts. Consider pondering and writing about:

• When I am triggered, what is the first emotion, memory, or word that comes to mind?

• What do I hate about the actions of others?

• How do I judge others – and why?

• How do I judge myself – and why?

• What do I envy in others?

• What frightens me the most?

• What are the lies I continue to tell myself?

• What are my secret coping mechanisms?

• What issues do I regularly struggle with?

2. Practice emotional inquiry/curiosity:

• What am I feeling – and what is it connected with?

• Why am I feeling this way?

• How and when does this feeling arise?

• Are there better ways to address how I am feeling?

3. Sit with yourself in meditation or prayer:

• What happened to me?

• Who am I?

• How can I heal?

4. Psychedelic journey, in which your intention is to face your shadow self.

• Preparation: Planning the journey, finding the medicine, working with a coach;

• Journey: Experiencing what the medicine shows you;

• Integration: Taking time to understand everything you experienced in the journey.

5. Inner Child Work, in which the key is creating a safe space to heal. The goal is validating the experience and emotions, allowing self-love, nurturing that hurt child, and truly listening and showing respect for the trauma.

6. Therapy and coaching: Many of us need a bit of help and encouragement to heal from our past trauma wounds, so reframe any negative perceptions about working with someone else, and use their expertise to help you navigate the complex process of shadow work.

Final Thoughts on Healing Our Shadow Self

Remember: Any reaction that is generally way out of proportion is the work of our shadow. It’s not a logical reaction, but an emotional one.

Liberating our shadow, bringing the darkness to light, results in being happier, healthier, and more compassionate – for ourselves and others. Liberating our shadow results in a move toward the elimination of our addictions, bad/dangerous habits, and negative thought patterns.

As adults, we should have the emotional maturity to face those misunderstood emotions from the earlier trauma. But make no mistake – you MUST face these wounds, feel that pain, and move forward through them with a new understanding.

Please do not stay a victim to that past trauma; to being stuck with childlike emotional reactions when triggered.

We are all victims of past trauma, but those of us who are healed are now survivors. We survivors have integrated our past trauma wounds and have become stronger, better, healthier, and more emotionally mature humans.

Finally, there’s no shame or shaming in shadow work. Once you start on your healing journey, the shaming is over. Much of what happened to you, especially in childhood, is your fault, and your shadow existed to protect yourself from the pain of that trauma. As an adult, with intention and a mindset of healing, you can now heal that past trauma and be WHOLE.

Healing Resources

• Are You Affected By Past Trauma? A Self-Assessment

• Discover the Methods for True, Wholeistic, Healing

• Heal. And Stop Living Two (or More) Lives

• Healing Journey: Just One Small Step Every Day... It's a Journey

• Make Room for Healing

• To Truly Heal, We Must Reconnect With Our Inner Child

• What is a Healing Journey? How Do I Start One?